Conflicting thoughts

The last month has been a strange one. 
Feelings of devastation and pure joy.
Tears of grief and tears of happiness and tears of sadness once again. 
Family that falls apart and family that comes together.

As the American Thanksgiving holiday approaches we have started on the round of pre-transplant appointments with a scheduled admission date of December 4th. It is a little scary and it has been an emotional roller coaster getting to this point. 

We have a new donor - a mismatch but an incredibly caring and generous unknown "family member" who has offered to give Norm a chance to beat this leukemia and we are SO grateful to him or her. And yet there is conflict when I think of the "real family" member match who, at the last moment, refused to give this gift of life. We've flip-flopped back and forth, trying to forgive, trying to understand and finally, trying to let go. We will hold onto the hope that our "new family member" offers.

Two weeks ago we had visitors. They came from England, Canada, Bermuda and Boston. Some stayed 10 days, some stayed just 2 days. Our children, our daughter-in-law, our parents, our nephew and our new 1 month old granddaughter all crowded into our apartment at various times during the week. It was WONDERFUL to have both of our children and our grandchild in the same place - it's been a long time since we were all together and it was very, very special for Norm to be with his family in this way.
And when they all left again we cried - but are thankful that there is technology that lets us speak to everyone - and see them - as often as we all can.

This last week has been a media bombardment of sadness and conflict - conflict in countries and conflict about how to show solidarity and compassion for those countries. Sometimes there's just too much going on and you have to pull back from it. Or find other images to fill your head.

Peaceful images. Babies and beaches and autumn leaves and summer reflections. Reminders that God is always present; that He has everything under control.

As much as we might like to, we can't change the whole world. We can't make cancer go away or acts of violence cease. We can't save every child or rescue every animal. On our own we can't remove sin from this world. 

But we can do our small part, in our place, in our way, every day. We can live in the present and make it the best that we can. We can practise kindness. We can be thankful for every blessing, no matter how small and we can look for ways to share God's love. 

And we can give thanks with a grateful heart for all that He has done.