Morning Thoughts

I woke up this morning and lay in bed for a while remembering how this whole journey started over a year and a half ago.
I remember seeing the small bruises and suggesting that we get them checked at emergency "just in  case" since they had popped up so strangely and were still popping up.
I remember hearing the doctor in the emergency room come back with blood tests that showed a 25,000 WBC and tell us he was admitting Norm.
I remember being told they were going to do a bone marrow biopsy to check for leukemia. 
I distinctly remember telling a co-teacher that there was no way it could be that!!
I remember the call from the hospital asking me to come over.
I remember walking in on a room full of doctors and social workers.
I remember the long involved explanation that ended in the words acute lymphoblastic leukemia. "We've called the air ambulance. We need you to go pack and bring your passports back in an hour."
I remember following the doctor out of the room and saying, "What if he doesn't want chemo?" and the doctor looking at me in shock and then saying, "He'll be dead in three weeks."
I remember going down the stairs of the hospital toward the car and my phone ringing on the stairwell.
I remember hearing my sister's voice and then getting that gut-wrenching blow to the stomach that I'd read about in books so many times and never really understood. I remember sinking onto the steps and gasping and I remember hearing her say, "Do NOT get in the car. I'll be right there."
I remember our prayer warriors from church marching in that night at about 11 p.m., long past visiting hours, and surrounding Norm in prayer.
I remember seeing my daughter's face as the ambulance took us away.

I don't know why I thought of all this again this morning. I woke with the pictures and feelings spinning through me again and had to struggle to get it all under control.

We will go home for two weeks at the end of this cycle; Norm is in remission for a second time and we have a perfectly matched sibling donor; our doctor has said to enjoy this month and the two weeks we will have at home.
Today I found a list of appointments for consults with radiation specialists and transplant specialists and suddenly it all hit me again - I have no idea what's coming our way!!

And so I prayed and I cried a little again and I thought of all the good things that have happened in my life - and the joyful times that continue to happen even as we go through all this. 
And I thought of all the people in this world going through their own trials - many of whom are far worse off than I am - and I remembered the first four lines of a poem:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour.

William Blake wrote these lines in Auguries of Innocence. We had to learn the whole poem years ago in school and these are the only lines I remember.

I think this is what people mean when they say "live one day at a time".
We only have the present moment - and it's both infinite and eternal.
And God promises an infinite, eternal new world and heaven someday. 

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."